Often at work, I get bored – and spend part of the day chatting, off and on, with Rosenberg.
Occasionally, we have awesome discussions about stuff.
Today was one of those days – the day we wrote The Greatest Movie Ever Made
So, President Sam Jackson teams up with former football star turned demolitions expert Bruce Willis and Ron Perlman – a doctor of some sort, maybe physics – to destroy an asteroid which is headed towards Earth.
“I swore a motherfucking oath to protect this motherfucking country, and not one damn one of you motherfuckers are going to keep me from blowing that motherfucking asteroid out of the motherfucking sky!”
Meanwhile, scientist Milla Jovovich has discovered that the real reason the terrorists (headed by Sparkels and Zach Quinto) bombed the asteroid to make it hit Earth is because it emits a particular radiation (T-Waves) which creates zombies.
She teams up with her kid sister, Megan Fox and and ex-Army Ranger (Kurt Russel) to fight the zombie meance *and* ultra-terrorist organization
Along the way they meet a man with a plan to cure the zombies (Bruce Campbell) – with chainsaws and boomsticks.
Things go wrong, and the asteroid isn’t fully destoryed! But, Bruce Willis has a plan – They steer the damn rock towards the terrorists headquarters (Deadly Volcano Island) – where, coincidentally, the zombies have been herded!
BA-DA-BOOM!
Our surviving heroes surf the resulting tsunami wave to D.C.
The End
This movie would, of course, be the greatest film ever made. It would also be the second to last film ever made (the last being the Bollywood musical adaptation), because after this no other movie would ever need to be made – nothing could ever hope to be as awesome and epic as this.
It would be a true Wyld Stallyn moment, ushering in an era of peace that humanity has never before known. Probes would be launched into deep space, playing The Movie eternally, so that all races might know the power of this story.
Truly, it would be the best thing ever.
And, we’ve already got plans for a sequel.
