25 Jun 09 Entry 0201

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen Review

I had the luck to see the second Transformers movie at a midnight IMAX showing Wednesday; it’s taken me a day to recover from the Bayhem present in the movie, to again be able to form coherent thoughts and frame them intelligently through written language. Truly, this is not a mere movie but a spectacle of pure, unrefined Awesome(boom).

My thoughts – disjointed as they may be – follow.

For those who do not wish to read a long dissertation on the meaning of explosions and plot holes, here’s a short version: Megan Fox is in it, she’s no longer covered in bacon grease, and rarely does much more than look kind of hot while – occasionally – doing something almost badass.
There is also a sub-plot about giant robots beating the shit out of each other while things explode in the background – but this feels almost secondary to Shia’s arm-candy and his Destiny.

That’s not to say this isn’t a fun, enjoyable film: To the contrary, once the movie stops trying to give you any actual “normal” story, it gets right to the Awesome(boom) and never stops. It is only during the opening act, where the story attempts to give Sam (The Beef) his “normal life” that it’s slow, boring and kind of stupid. Once events intrude upon his normality, and the shit hits the fan (then explodes, awesomely) does the movie really kick into gear and start serving up the awesome at a pace that’s almost hard to keep up with. One could say that this was intentional, to contrast the normal life that Sam wanted with the life he must lead – but, frankly, I don’t think anyone involved with this particular movie was anywhere near intelligent enough to have done this.

Two days later, I’m still not entirely sure what the story is. However, to prevent any actual spoilage, I’ll include what little I remember of it in the handy tags below. Perhaps someone, somewhere, can help fill me in on what the hell was actually going on.

So, yeah – lots more actual robot action. Lots less stupid human storyline. The characterization of the various Transformers are more inline with what they should be: Starscream, for example, is now a whiny, traitorous bitch.

And, the whole last third of the movie is almost entirely things blowing up in increasingly larger and more grandiose ways while people run in slow motion, shouting quietly (seriously, I wouldn’t make that up), and occasionally looking scared or sad.

I think it is this part of the movie, this continuous string of things going up in huge balls of flame while guns are firing, rockets are flying, and giant fucking robots are beating the shit out of each other, humans, and buildings, that completely sums up what it was about the Transformers that captured the imaginations of children in the 80’s and has refused to let go ever since. It is the very definition of Bayhem, and It. Is. Awesome.

I do have some questions, like:

Still, there’s some great one liners – one about a tighter shirt, and one about the wheel.

All said, it is a greatly enjoyable movie – despite its flaws. It is, by far, superior to the first movie in almost every way that is important.

It’s Transfomers… Giant robots doing giant robot stuff. It’s just plain Awesome (boom).